Tag Archives: nonfiction

Everyone’s Free

I always hate getting out of the pool in early spring. I pull myself out of the water I’ve grown to feel warm enough in and then I’m instantly shivering in the breeze as rivers run down my spine and legs. My towel never seems close enough or big enough or warm enough. I try and dry off enough so I can get inside and out of the bathing suit that clings cruelly to my damp skin. It’s not always like this though. Sometimes I get out and find it warmer than I imagined it would be. I don’t have to desperately fight the goosebumps with furious toweling. Instead I can feel the sun warming my very core as the drips dry off my skin. I can spend a while longer outside and slow life down.

I sometimes feel that way when I’m around you. Especially when you show up at my apartment and I’m not expecting you, and I’m wearing some old shirt from high school, and my hair’s in a side pony-tail, and you tell me I look cute. That you just miss me sometimes and end up here. You are the warm day in spring that makes everyone free. I dream of having everyday feel like summer because you’re here with me.

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Let’s learn to be reckless. We’ve been playing life so carefully in our clean t-shirts and crisp blue jeans and it’s ridiculous. We weren’t meant to live this way. We should get rips in our jeans, find adventures, and stay up all night. It’s not as if we’ll be able to do this our whole lives. Eventually we’ll be too old to sleep on the floor, too smart to make crazy mistakes, and too set in our ways to make drastic changes. We’re fully understanding why people shave their heads, grow awkward facial hair, and pee on the side of a building.

I’m going to make a list of all the crazy things I want to do before I’m too old.


hey mister

You can’t lose me.
I come equipped with
alarms, buzzers, and flashing lights
and I’m programmed to stay in sight.
I’m magnetically attracted to you specifically.
If you ever feel as though you are losing me
just try to find me
and I’ll be right there
next to you.
You have no reason to worry,
I refuse to be lost.


a day for us

She walks across the parking lot like the sun comes over the mountains. She’s my best friend so I know exactly how long it will take her to reach my car. l keep the doors locked until the second before she grabs the handle. I’m not afraid, it’s noon and that means there’s nothing to be afraid of. I think maybe she’ll want to go get some lunch and I think about how breakfast feels like forever ago. She sits down in the passenger seat and puts the several bags of things she always seems to be carrying down by her feet. She’s always wearing flats. She smiles at me in the way a single thirty-five-year-old looks at a baby. I don’t mind though. I blink slowly and put the car in drive, asking if she’s hungry. She says she could go for a sandwich and I pull out of the parking lot. She’s telling me all kinds of stories and I’m trying so hard to pay attention. It’s not that she’s boring or that I can’t focus, it’s just that I’ve missed her and I focus on her little mannerisms. I’ve known them for years know and it’s nice to see them again. She pauses to tell me that I look different and that she loves my dress then jumps back into her stories. Being around her is like wearing a soft sweater in the house. It’s comforting to drive her around town, like I have since junior year. We get to the restaurant we like and order food and then it’s my turn to tell stories. She likes my stories and it’s nice not to worry about boring her. When she’s finished with her sandwich and I still haven’t started mine it’s her turn again. We couldn’t possibly finish telling all our stories in one day but we tell a good deal so that we can feel caught up with each other’s life.

After lunch we go back to my house and act like lazy bears who have the gift of speech and live in a house. I get bored of all the sitting so we go swimming then make some cookies. She wants to show me a bunch of video projects she did for school so she does and I watch. We’re being selfish with our time and deny the invites of dinner with my family and dinner with some other friends. We get a pizza and eat it in my car and talk about boys like you have to when you’re eating pizza in a car. We laugh like children and gossip like old women in all the movies. When we’re tired she borrows some pajamas from me and we lay down to tell more stories in the dark. There are certain stories we’ve been saving for the dark. We stay up too late and know that we’ll wake up late and she’ll have to call her mom and tell her she’s going to come home later than she expected. But her mom doesn’t really care. Her mom knows that this is how it is when she hangs out with me. We’re best friends and we go to sleep like the setting sun.

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midnight coward

It’s the end of the night, and everyone knows it, but no one wants to get up and leave. We’re waiting for someone to scoot to the edge of the couch and say well, I should probably get going. We don’t want the night to really be over, because the morning makes us responsible, and we dislike our responsible selves. Our lives feel so heavy but we know it’s just because we’re tired and weak.

We’re nostalgic for what isn’t yet over and it’s uncomfortable. We’re waiting for night to kiss us on the doorstop of tomorrow but we know it’s too shy. Instead, it will be impersonal when we leave and the night’s contentment will be fleeting.


each day

I believe that the best part of life is the love that you find. I don’t mean the let’s get married and stay with each other until death kind of love, although that is certainly something to cherish, but the kind of love you find in the mundane days. The love of making cupcakes at 3 in the morning. The love of waking up on a Saturday to perfect weather. The love of drinking cold soda on a hot day or getting into a warm car on a cold day. No one’s life is flawless enough so that they’re consistently happy all the time. I guess that means the people with the best lives are those who are able to find the good in each day.


oh yes, we know each other

We need to stop yelling and start whispering. Do we have that right? We need more starts than stops. We’re wishing for a rainy day in the middle of a drought. It’s not impossible but people are still doubting us. We’re not as fragile as we think. We’re a secret but not a well kept one. We’re the sunshine that greets you outside of the dark theatre. We like it when the lyrics of great bands and ipods convey our feelings. We need late night walks. We’re the shiny star that the world first sees at night. We need those finger trap things they always give kids. We want to be remembered. We wake up in the morning with optimism and go to sleep with contentment. We’re not a dream. We need movie nights and going out nights and just being creative nights. We don’t really need that much to be entertained. We like it when our life is a romantic comedy and hate it when it’s a dramatic tragedy. We need to see things up close and from far away sometimes to really understand what we’re looking at. We need experiences. We want futures. We don’t know what we’re doing but we like figuring it all out as we go.


You Need To Know

You’re doing it again. Can you tell? I’m not sure you can. It’s like telling someone that they snore. Unless they’ve woken themselves up from snoring too loud or someone records them, they’ll never really believe it. All I’m asking is that you feel bad for waking me up in the middle of the night and apologize in the morning. And get your nose or throat, or whatever is causing you to snore, fucking fixed. I’m tired of being sleep-deprived.


what is this?

I’m like a coma patient who’s suddenly awake after a few months. It hasn’t been that long and yet I feel as though I suddenly don’t know anything. I’m not even sure if I know myself anymore. What am I doing? I’m going to focus on what I do know for certain. I know I love the people around me. I know that every tomorrow is a new beginning. I know that I have goals and dreams and that I can make my life as great as I want it. I know that everything that is terrible reminds me of everything that is wonderful. I know that nothing is ever impossible or too hard. I don’t need anything else.



It’s getting quite late. In fact, it’s time to be quiet and hurry off to sleep. The stars are twinkling in the sky and the moon is keeping watch from above. I know everything is frightening in the dark but it will all be better in the morning. There’s nothing to worry about, I can promise you that. Just snuggle up beneath the heavy quilt Grandma made for you, and close your little eyes. It will be tomorrow in no time. If you need anything I’ll be right there and please do get me if something is wrong. If you can’t fall asleep you can always think of Disneyland and create a new ride in your mind. Sleep now, my dear.