my grey coat

I’m sweating through this red flannel shirt but I can’t take my heavy grey coat off. When you offered to take my coat off for me I said no it’s okay, I’m actually a bit cold. If I took it off now you’d know I just didn’t want you taking off my coat. I don’t know why I care what you think at all. This is the most awkward and confused I’ve felt in a while. Why did I call you up and say we should get dinner? I don’t need you anymore. I guess I hoped things could feel like old times, when I was much more comfortable with your touch and your gaze. We’ll probably never be that close again. You’ll stop seeing me as the girl you liked so long ago and I’ll finally grow tired of your hazy mind and inability to keep a plan. We still give each other butterflies with our dinner conversation but it doesn’t create any lasting fix. I eventually take off my coat and you notice so I say something about how I’m finally warm. You smile in a way that reminds me that you never completely understood me. I can tell the end of dinner will be the end of our memories together so I order dessert and recall perfect memories with you, just to hold off the end for a while longer.

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